In the past, I've turned to various vices to get through big transitions. Not this time. Through the help of precious friends willing to hold me accountable, I've mostly avoided those. (Mostly, not completely. Let's just say that the new jeans I bought for my speaking engagement last week were a size bigger than my usual ones. So, maybe I've been eating like I did when I played water polo in college... you know, minus the working out part.)
(Can I still call it baby weight even if I wasn't in on the gestating?)
Anyway, the only answer I have is "give us this day our daily bread." Nowadays, to do lists are long enough to make me hyperventilate at the sight of them. I just count on God to guide me through figuring everything out one step at a time.
But, to be honest, I'm tired.
Actually, I'm not quite sure what the word is. Exhausted doesn't cut it. Neither does weary or beat or wiped out or any other word the thesaurus offers up.
When you ask how I do it, I fumble with my answer. I don't know. Most days, I don't think I'm doing it too well.
Here's what I do know:
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.(Philippians 3:12-14)
I'll figure out how to get our oldest to and from school and still make sure our son gets play time while juggling three or four therapy appointments for Zoe each week, because it's worth it. (I said she would probably walk. I didn't say the process to get there would be easy.) I'll serve in Access Ministry, including kids with special needs in church, because it's worth it and because it's the outlet that keeps me sane in the midst of everything else. I'm not quite sure how to not lose all my friends in the process of everything else, but even if some friendships do fall apart for lack of attention, it's worth it.
In other words, I'm in a constant state of pressing on, because it's worth it.
But I'm still tired.
|Kind of like this sweet girl. (Yes, she's sleeping in her exersaucer.)|